Thursday, September 27, 2012

Stranger than Fiction



The room is dimly lit with florescent light. Things are scattered apart, an aged bed with a fluffy mattress but without a bed cover, a dressing table crowded with books, empty bottles of cheap whisky, a coffee mug filled with cigarette buds.  The view of the room is clouded by smoke coming from a cigarette, which has not been dabbed for the last three minutes.  A man is gazing pointlessly at his laptop screen, trying to rise above the level of mediocrity by burning the night lamp for a crucial upcoming project. His, being oblivious to both the world outside and Beethoven, which is playing softly in the background suggests a life of struggle, maybe not for survival, but definitely for creative recognition.
 Entangled in a web, Spidey attempts to dislodge himself from a self created mess. A mess which reminds him of his position, pendulating between a glorious past and a possibly desolate future, blobbed in a puddle of salivary strands surrounded by undigested limbs and other body parts of a delicious memory. With a celebrated lineage of fearful hunters to back him up, spidey has inherited a natural confidence which gives him an intuitive understanding about survival.  His instinct, at the moment, is conking and vibrating, sending signals of evacuation to his tiny brain. A factory has been established recently in the vicinity of his habitat, which has a detachable chimney, emitting toxic fumes in short intervals, particularly driving away all possible forms of life from the surrounding. Spidey, being a survivor, takes it up as a challenge to brave out the adversity of his time. He is all alone; some of his tribe members have perished; guarding the familial lair and others have abandoned the tribal heritage by escaping to greener pastures. But he would not give it up so easily. He is the last survivor, this is the place where he belongs; this is the places where his progenitors prospered, the lair has given him his sense of identity. How could he abandon it?
  Words escape the mind of the man. He struggles, he smokes and he drinks. He wants to hallucinate as that might give him some ideas but something stops him. He smokes some more, drinks some more and struggles some more. Something is keeping him from flying. He feels encumbered by an unexplainable burden. What is the reason for his condition?  He stares blankly at his at his laptop screen. Tomorrow is the D-day; he has to get his project designed for an anti smoking campaign ready somehow by tomorrow morning.  The voice of his boss, which keeps on ringing in his ear, makes him uncomfortable and sweaty. He lights a cigarette.  Just then, from the corner of his eyes, he notices a movement. Gently turning his head, he tries to focus his gaze on the source which has distracted his attention. A tiny black spider in the crevices of the wall attempts to pitch itself in a translucent web.  It seems to be struggling to for some reason. He senses an agitation as he watches the spider hopping and balancing back and forth within the orifices of its netting.
 What are you looking at?’ he suddenly hears a voice. Did the spider just speak to him?  Are you laughing at my condition? Now this is serious. The man grabs the opened and half emptied bottle of whiskey and smells it. He is definitely hallucinating now. He checks for an expiry date and then he remembers that liquors do not have expiry dates. To get a closer look, he inches forward towards the web. Now don’t you come any further, You have already done enough damage.  In a state of shock the man looks at the spider. The sensation of being watched by a dozen pair of eyes makes him feel confused about his emotions. Can you hear me?  
Yes I can, you dumbass. You can do whatever you like to scare me off. But let me tell you, I am not moving. Even if I die here, I won’t budge from my place. Get that clear in your nut.    
What? But I didn’t even know that you existed.
The man takes a closer look at the spider.  What do you want spider man?
Ohhh! Do you really want to know?  Well then let me tell you, that whatever you smoke all the time might be a recreation to you. But it has taken a lot of lives. The smoke has wiped my entire clan. I am the last survivor. And I promise you that I will take my revenge.  If I was of your size I would have eaten you long time back. That would have done the world some good at least. But you know what? But I am  still going to fight you. Do you want to see how? I can get inside your head. You don’t believe me?  BOOOOOO.
The man wakes up with a start. He had slipped off to sleep. He can smell the burning of the cigarette bud.  The smoke has clouded the room. He looks up at the ceiling. He sees an abandoned spider web. He looks for the spider everywhere, but no signs.  Some time passes .He gets back to his work. Now he has an idea. What a stupid dream, but it surely was a useful one, he utters cackling to himself.  He remembers the he needs to wash his face before he settles down with his work. He goes to the washroom; look at his own face admiring his unkempt shabbiness. As he turns the knob of the tap, he is over come by a strange feeling. Something rings inside his head.
I hope you haven’t forgotten me, I have kept my promise.

Two Sides Revisited (2010)



Like a swarm of savage bees
Befallen and taken by surprise
The faces mauled, the putrid smell
 Of flesh which skin cannot conceal
The blood oozes with cringing walls, and creeks
With hairy mass, in fringe spaces of sublime
Stabbed in wounds, she clings on with fingers clenched
Around her knees, as fluids pass and gashes cold
Suspended, a taste of infinity

She killed a bird, and cried
Through violence did she reassert?
And anger cannoned through her veins
She wanted blood in return,
Her gentle soul, seamless  
The whiteness of her skin, the stillness of her jaded glance,
She prays to god for her virgin heart,
She loves to walk on crowded roads,
To watch the baby in the pram,
To hop across the pavements marked 
With games of squares and knots
She loved the beggar boy,
Who waits across the candy shop? 

With frenzy, she rocks the marble floor
When markets smell of rotten fish,
And meat shops slaughter by the road 

She squats heavily with heaving breath,
 Her body stilled....she struggles hard, to make or break her boundaries....
She knows the feeling of discharge; she hates it when she feels displaced,
Bottled in a mire of images,
Of gatherings in a parking lot, of needle pricks, and oxygen valves
Of incisions made deeper than medical insertions, in private alleys or public gigs.

Her peace is raided when she sleeps
Her body heated when she dreams,
Her anguish, un-sustained,
She feels a need to kill

She waits, in agony, she struggles in pain
She hates her guts, she feels so frail
Her ambush is inflamed, her lack of power to withdraw
Her incapacity to resist or warning them from being led
 Through the dark recesses of sublime, to the chambers of the repressed
Through intercourse of actions and reactions,
Through penetration of forces and strain 
Through spasms and orgasms,
Through existence and annihilation
She forces through her heaving sighs      
 A sharpness so ejaculated,
And blood, gushing in her mouth
through pulses motored by the veins,

Her whiteness robed in a scarlet gown.
And her vision blurred with bleeding fumes,
She pushes her fingers within her emasculated depths
She closes her eyes, seamless in her passivity
She has her closure for the time 

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Encounter

It was the 19th of May 2005. I have vivid memories of that day. Now when I look back, it seems like a time that never happened, a moment filled with memories, both unexplainably exhaustive and incomprehensibly unidentifiable. I had graduated from a phase of suspended continuation to a platform of sustained buoyancy. This might be a little confusing to you. But you will understand. The human narratives, craving for predictability, will find its release through cogent modes, and these modes, at some later point of time, will become fated thread marks of a portion or an entire story of life.
Well I will not delay in presenting a short anecdote about an experience which dynamically altered the course of my existence. 19th of May 2005, may now seem like just another speed bump in my life, but on the day itself, it stood as my biggest nightmare, tearing apart my confidence, bringing out all my fears and insecurities and consuming even the tiny teaspoon of conviction which I believed I possessed at that time. It was the day I graduated from my high school. Due to unavailability of course options in the schools of my city, I had to take Science and Mathematics as subjects. I have always been confused about a lot of things in my life, but I knew one thing for sure, I really sucked at anything which had to do with calculations, figures, numbers, chemical reactions, and statistics. Unfortunately most of the courses, that I had to opt for in school got framed within boundaries which were inaccessible to me. My final grades were miserable, and that meant a lot of things. It not only prophesized a series of unending melodrama and lecturing sessions about my non-achieving attitude, from the home front, but it also meant a closure to any remote possibilities of my getting into a stream of education, which was considered worthwhile in my country. However, all this occupied just about 40% of my anxiety. I still had a greater problem confronting me. My girl friend (after so many years, I can dare to take the liberty to call her my girlfriend), who also happened to be my physics teacher in school, had suddenly stopped taking my calls. Initially I thought it to be symptomatic to her usual mood swings. But I guess I was mistaken. She hadn’t called me for an entire week. She was not taking my call. She didn’t even bother to enquire about my grades. So to make a long story short, I was in deep shit. I felt I was destroyed in every way possible- academically, romantically, socially (whatever other way, you can come up with). So what could I be thinking of, at a time when I was convinced that I was that one (in a millionth) unlucky guy, whose life was completely wasted, who was both intellectually handicapped and romantically challenged? Where my thoughts would be wandering?
Well I thought, I had never smoked a cigarette before and this was my chance. My mind was wandering off. For the first time I wanted to breadth in the freshness of earth and loose myself with the setting sun, Yes I was standing there at the bridge which overlooked the River Ganga, I was at peace with the world, I was not afraid. I could see an entire civilization in front of me, the ruins of time being belied by a screen memory of modern existence. The river, symbolic to life and death, forces larger than existence, confronted me with questions, which made me uncomfortably squeamish to my own tragedy.
Well I was not used to smoking, so with every attempt to take in the smoke and hold it with in my lungs; I coughed out. The butt slipped out of my hand. I could see it falling, moment by moment, frame by frame, finally to be consumed by the vastness of the river.
“Well not so much of smoker, are you?” I was suddenly interrupted by a voice. It felt really annoying, if I lost my cool at that moment of time, then it would be the end of my mastered fervour.
“Son, what are you thinking? Why don’t you take the leap? I won’t stop you. I have seen so many people taking the path you have chosen. It’s not too difficult you know. Just jump.”
This man was now freaking me out. I could feel the moment slipping out from my grip like grains of sand. “What’s your problem sir, you are distracting me.”
“My problem, Well I have so many. Do you want talk about them?”
“No! Just go away. I have enough problems to deal with.”
“Well I can’t just walk away, I live here, and I have always lived here. At this age I do not have your capabilities; to have a cup of tea and a smoke, to watch the setting sun and rise with it again. I miss my cup of tea.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was young, maybe your age. I lost my family, I lost my job and then I lost myself. You look smarter.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well I don’t want to go into details, I don’t have the time. Do you see the river? The water is cold. The moment you take the leap, piercing through the air, hundred feet beneath, you will meet you desired fate, waiting to suck the air out of your lungs, to crush your bones, to dissolve you in state of non-existence. But you will exist. Do not doubt that? Never doubt that!”
There was a strange aura surrounding us. I was beginning to feel really uncomfortable with the man’s presence. His vacant eyes, plaintive as they were, reflected an unexplainable insanity. I could feel a sense of emptiness within, and that had nothing to do with my own condition.
“Young people, they always doubt. I can clearly see that you do not believe me. I am really tired of proving it to fools like you. Take a step back my man. Get a grip of yourself. Enjoy life. Learn to face defeat and learn to welcome success with humility. These are my last words to you. You are free to jump off. You are also free to live and to face challenges. I love you and I don’t want to see you die. That is all. You are free now. Go.”
This was my chance to escape; I turned around and started walking. He was standing there, staring vacantly at me. “What was I thinking of? Was I going to kill myself? Was I mad?”
I heard a terrible cry from behind. I heard a splash in the water. The man was gone.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

AFTER THE RIOT (TRANSCREATION OF JAVED AKTHER’S "FASAAD KE BAAD")


A silence so intense,

The houses doomed

With smoking roofs and shattered tiles,

A burning paradise

And the smoke,

It rises in the sky

Fuming air and holding high

Oh! The silence so intense


Like a corpse, I see the roads

The aroma of a wounded air

Caught in tyres, burning tars

The shaken senses of the air


The sky within, the air without

Choked in silence, clenched and hazed

The dread, the dross, the bleeding wound

Encroached upon a draping scar

Oh! The silence so intense


The vermin black, a sooty smoke

Every pigment, stamping wall

The wall, in bricks around me lay

The hoardings, hanging on

The few remains, the Candy shop

No chocolate bars, no crispy tarts

Just the gas, just the screams and just the burning logs

Oh the silence so intense!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

TWO SIDES (original draft - 2001)


TWO SIDES

Like a swarm of savage bees
Befallen, to take me by surprise
He came and filched the nectar high
Above the veils of misty sky
I tried to stop him on his way
He blew me off, a kite unaided
I looked at him, my feeble head
So helpless with my hands clenched

I had a glimpse, his angry sighs
Bolts of thunder, crashing skies
His gleaming eyes, of crimson red
An imbecile, uncouth marauder


A maddened anguish, his mind irate
with reasons unconcievable......
Bearing fangs ,he snarled at me
A helpless god was watching me

Suddenly, the door unbolted
A brilliant light came galling in


My path enlightened, my way to move
A white seraph, came gliding through
And took the velvet beast away

And then I wondered ?
What had I seen ?
And the mystery unfolded, crashing down
I realized ,
They were the two sides
of my own self





THE TWILIGHT ZONE: A DREAM VISION
(From my Initial Collection)

Far amidst the land we live
Enfolded by mountain peaks
Lived a boy, his family,
Within some lonely creak

A father, mother and a child
(a sister that would be )
Apart from that, a dog and a cat
Were all his eyes perceived!

And just like this , the moments ticked
Through days of endless glee
And their life!
It went on,
Without a changing breeze

And finally the day arrived
As just among the rest
With the emerald sky and the shining sun
It started at its best

But no one knew
Not one or few
What nature had amassed?
The boy innocent, notionless
Played with the dog outdoor

Alas ! it gave a massive blow (with terror jolts, the forsaken house!!!!!)
The roof went all aloof
And the tiles lay crumpled, scattered all
And the debris smoked with dusty hue

Wake up son!
For heaven's sake
A voice heard deep within
My sight returned ,a drowsy head
I saw my mother weep
Before a word, that I could speak
With a whimper, could she say
It’s just me and you ,not a single few

Has remained ,amongst the rest

Dear son , I do abhor
This loneliness with in
And before the rest that I could hear
A quaver jolted me

My eyes beheld a different world
My father gaped at me
My sister wore a frightened stare
A hiatus blinding me

The only word which I could say
“Oh mother” ,where is she????
with the fading debris in the air
Some morbid legacy

At last ,the halted silence broke
It came from father’s lips
“Oh she is gone” , a sad demise
Her parting from the rest

What games, what part and what performance
Had time flippant with me
I thought I did, I was confused!
Which second to believe?

I closed my eye, my lonely cries
Unsettling from within
And then alas, my mind impulsive
A feeling grafted in
TWILIGHT ZONE, THE TIME IT WAS
THE LADY VISITED ME.....

The Mirage

The Poet seeks a magic bird

he gets misplaced in a desert storm

around him now a thousand acre of burning death

in thirst he breathes his final breath

and then he sees the magic bird

drinking from the mystic pond

and this makes him close his eyes..............